Monday 13 April 2009

Let Me Count The Ways

Planet Nomad, an expatriate mother of three who lives in Morocco, has some wonderful tales. She has also tagged me to tell you five things I like about being a mother, and I am absolutely game for this.

Actually, I'm glad she didn't catch me last week when I was in a less than positive maternal mood, but it probably wouldn't have mattered. My husband and I have marveled at what a weird thing parenthood is: raising kids, you can be tempest-tossed by your (and their) emotions, brought from the highest heights to the lowest depths in no time at all, but the one thing that always remains constant is your love for them. Back in my pre-kid days, I remember watching friends sparring with their obnoxious, spotty teens and thinking that if they were mine, they'd be out on their butts straight away. I watched my indulgent friends taking all kinds of nonsense from their kids, from toddlers to teenagers, and I had grave doubts that I could ever do the same.

And yet look at me now.

So here goes: five random things I love about having children:

1) I love the way having children integrates you into whatever community you are in. Of course, you can get to know your neighbors if you don't have children, but if you do have them your chances of successful integration are far greater. Especially when they get caught climbing the fence into your neighbors' pasture, hanging out the window and asking when the next gift will be forthcoming, or sparring with the kids next door. When my husband and I were double-income-no-kids types, we had no idea what we were missing, and what a good thing that was.

2) I love the sheer zany fun of kids. I love the music of our girls' laughter, their strident voices discussing the latest Japanese rock singer heart-throb or the interesting fact that a Korean pop band, Dong Bang Shin Ki, is the most photographed group of people in the entire world. There are even days when I can sit and listen to their silly nonsense for up to an hour without feeling homicidal. This is no mean feat either. Try sitting in our car sometime on a long journey and you'll get what I mean.

3) I love the way having kids pulls you right out of the box. If we had not had children, I would never have learned to appreciate The Wind in the Willows, Rammstein, Dir En Gray, Pingu, Linkin Park, or Goosebumps. I would not have learned the baby language in Japanese for 'foot', 'snack', 'stomach', 'walk', or 'dog'. I might never have found out that the Call to Prayer has five different modes depending on the time of day (courtesy of our youngest daughter, who is doing independent research), how to get chocolate stains out of cotton, the real pronunciation of hazelnut in Turkish, or the names of every Pokemon action figure.

4) I love watching their personalities develop. True, there are times I look at them and am horrified to see all the worst features of my husband or myself, but there are far more times I see in them infinitely better versions of us. If our Youngest has my husband's quick temper, she also has his forgiving nature in spades. If our Eldest has my awful tendency to procrastinate, she manages to cover this by an ability to BS that leaves me utterly breathless with admiration.

5) I love how versatile they've made me. Because I guarantee you, I did not always use to be like this. Thanks to having kids, I can multi-task with the best of them now. Like I did this morning when I managed to finish and send off a full-length manuscript to an agent, engage in a complex conversation via IM with our Eldest, and eat my breakfast.

I won't tag anyone here because I know that few people besides myself like to be tagged. But if Merry, Christy, Anne, Debra, and Robin want to play along, I'll be well entertained. And so will you.

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22 comments:

Bish Denham said...

I don't have any kids, but I worked at a home for abused, neglected and emotionally disturbed kids for 23 years and I call them "my kids." What I came to love, admire and respect about them is their incredible resiliency.

When the Navy SEALs saved the captain from the Somalian pirates, I was proud to be able to say one of "my kids" was a SEAL.

Robin said...

Sure, I'll play! No one's going to call me a poopyhead. At least, not again.

I love kids' voices so much! Even the horrifying cracking teenage voices they develop. Everything sounds so energetic and enthusiastic. I wish we could keep that energy our whole life. Without being manic depressive, that is.

Martha Flynn said...

:) A lovely post. Now I'm off to google Dong Bang Shin Ki!

Kim Ayres said...

I have to say I love being a dad. And without kids, I would never have gone on a 9 day road trip with Rogan :)

Meg Wiviott said...

GREAT post.

What I love about having kids is the way they force you to stay young.

Mary Witzl said...

Bish -- A person doesn't have to have kids to have kids, if you know what I mean. Twenty-three years in a home for abused and neglected children adds up to more service than a lot of mothers put in.

Congratulations: it sounds like you did a great job.

Robin -- This is the only kind of tag I'm capable of. I got called poopyhead plenty of times myself, consequently...

I love their cracking voices too -- it's cute. And yes, I love the way kids get so excited about new things, their interest in any discovery, really. Their roller coaster emotional state is as sweet as it is maniacally depressive...

Martha -- Do look them up, please! I already know more about them than I want to; it's best to share this kind of knowledge.

Kim -- A NINE-DAY road trip? Merciful heavens! But obviously you survived!

If I'd never had kids, I wouldn't have gone to hear Dir En Gray perform in Sheffield, or how to spell 'YouTube'. And I would never have learned that a top hat was actually a kind of a drum. I think.

Meg -- Thank you! It is certainly true that my kids force me to stay young, but paradoxically, they can also make me feel damn old.

Meg Wiviott said...

Mary -
True - I measure my own age through my children. Which seems impossible, since my daughter is nearly 23 and I'm still 27!
And a top-hat is a cymbal - actually a pair of cymbals that move up and down via a foot pedal. Thanks to my son who played drums for 5 years.

Charles Gramlich said...

2, 3, 4 are absolultely on my list as well. I'm the very proud father of a son, who is 21 now and making his way. I'm so glad I had a kid.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Mom, I'm suitably impressed that you mentioned "procrastination" over my other, possibly worse, shortcomings. Well, must say I'm grateful!

janepowers said...

Hi nice to pop in and have a read.Great piece. I always find your work rewards repeated readings and this was no exception. I'd love to know how your kid's story is going. Is it published yet?
Take care

Christy said...

I love your list and #1 is True with a capital T. I'll post mine but I'm having a little trouble. At the moment it would be easier to list things I don't like about parenting - which is all the more reason to put together a positive list!

Mary Witzl said...

Meg -- My kids both played the drums too and we had a full drum kit. They thought it was hilarious that I could never get all the various bits right, but I was pretty sure the cymbal thingy was called a top hat.

27? Wow, you're a whole lot older than I am! And I am the Queen of Romania...

Charles -- Isn't it hard to explain all the advantage of parenting to non-parents, though? Objectively, it looks awful. Subjectively, it's a whole different ballgame.

You-know-who -- Hi honey!

How much is it worth to you to keep all that stuff I know under wraps? Make it worth my while and your secrets are safe forever! (Just kidding: you've got plenty of dirt on me too.)

Jane -- How are you? I've missed you, Phil, and all my other fellow G-Writers.

Here is a coincidence: just two days ago I FINALLY sent the much revised FC manuscript off to an agent. It is much the better for your helpful suggestions. All I can do is hope that he will think it's passable now, but if he doesn't, I'll probably take another whack at it. I figure by the time I'm close to my dotage, it'll be published. Somehow.

Mary Witzl said...

Christy -- Believe me, I can imagine some of the things you are going through. The truth is that even very good kids can be a handful. Willful, fair-to-middling selfish ones (who are in the majority) can take every ounce of patience you have and leave you wondering why you ever bothered to procreate. But we parents are a crazy bunch and I'm betting you can still find reasons why you're glad you joined the Club!

Katie Alender said...

My husband and I are already the social butterfly neighbors, which is funny, because we aren't usually that type. But our old neighborhood was so unfriendly that we embraced the new one and went out of our way to meet everyone. If having kids enhances that, bring it on! (Er... just not yet.)

Actually, having a dog helps a lot in that regard, too.

Christy said...

And if you have a dog, you're guaranteed to meet all the kids, right? lol I swear that Jacob knows every dog in the neighborhood and the people they belong to. We'll be at the grocery and Jake will point out some completely unremarkable person. "Hey, that's Matilda's owner!" And I'm left trying to figure out if Matilda is the dachsund or the beagle!

kara said...

i resent not being tagged. i could tell you all manner of things about being a cat owner.

Mary Witzl said...

Christy -- In Japan, I was referred to as 'XX's mother'. For a time, in our neighborhood in Scotland, I was 'the lady with the white cat'. It's odd to have one's identity based on kids or pets...

Kara -- Cat OWNER? No, my dear. We are cat feeders, cat enablers, cat appreciators, cat comforters -- but never owners. I always smile when I enter my name under 'owner' at the vet's. If my cat could read, she'd smile too.

Laura Hedgecock said...

What I love about kids ---
They increase the number of loves in your life exponentially. You don't just love the two (or however may) of kids to whom you gave birth. You love whoever it is that they love. You love their friends, their teammates, sometimes even their coaches and teachers and hope and pray the best for each of them. Knowing and loving that many additional souls makes you more hopeful about life.

Mary Witzl said...

Ideally this happens, though I have also known parents who ONLY loved their own children. I'm with you: having kids has given me a far greater appreciation of all kids, and a HUGE appreciation of all people who do well by children, whether teachers, other parents, or anyone else engaged in the business of raising kids, however informally. I would have missed out on all that if I hadn't become a parent.

Merry Monteleone said...

Hi Mary,

Sorry this has taken me so long... should have mine up shortly. Only five, though, boy that'll test my editing skills.

I love your list and am quite impressed that you're keeping your childrens' secrets. My kids' secrets are fair game - mwa-ha-ha...

Anne Spollen said...

Hi Mary,

My kids have been on spring break, and I'm not real sure who uses the term "break" for this period of time. I'm just getting around to seeing this, and it's a great idea.

My next blog - which will happen in about 50 hours - (does it sound like my teens are making me nuts? just 'cause I'm counting the hours until the school doors reopen?) will address this. Should be fun!

Mary Witzl said...

Merry -- I look forward to your post! Yes, five things is too few, but this certainly challenged MY editing skills -- not a bad thing, considering.

My kids' secrets are safe with me. They know too much.

AnneS -- Oh, do I sympathize!

What I could never get my kids to understand was that at the end of a long week, I needed a break too. And at the end of one of their school breaks, I was ready for a break as in nervous breakdown.