Recipe For Chaos

Ingredients:

Any of the following, but the more, the better:

1 frantic man with mysteriously delayed passport

1 evasive British Passport and Border Control

1 exhausted woman on writing withdrawal, with expired U.S. passport

3 giddy teenagers in fever pitch of excitement

68 (approximate number) boxes of books, CDs, etc arranged in obstacle-course fashion throughout household, up and down staircases

1 neurotic cat determined to supply household with fresh meat on 3-hourly basis

1 flat crammed to bursting point with unnecessary foodstuffs, magazines, manuscripts, books, superfluous clothing, dodgy electric goods that frantic man, exhausted woman and giddy teenagers (above) are loathe to part with

150 (approximate number) important text/reference books that frantic man and exhausted woman cannot do without despite weight restriction of 20 kg and no household goods baggage allowance

32 important documents, 5 of which are guaranteed to go missing at last minute

4 brand-new laptops which 3 giddy teenagers are determined to play with when they should be packing

10 packed, locked suitcases which contain items above-mentioned frantic man, etc need at last minute

1 still hooked-up computer that exhausted woman finds a compelling distraction

Mix together well -- shake, stir, whatever. Stand well back and observe.

Note: While this is an authentic recipe guaranteed to produce results, we recommend that you don't try this yourselves, kids -- whatever age you are.