tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post8685136092387325645..comments2023-10-21T11:44:45.588+01:00Comments on ResidentAlien: Sugiyama-sanMary Witzlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06458299046574564155noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-21758855204074339862011-07-14T09:25:11.882+01:002011-07-14T09:25:11.882+01:00Robert -- Sugiyama-san and I quarrelled about more...Robert -- Sugiyama-san and I quarrelled about more than food. The odd thing was that my daughter ate as much at her daycare center as she did at home -- she just didn't like lettuce or spinach. Still doesn't. I suspect food preferences are just part and parcel of the way we're made.<br /><br />Carole -- I walked away seething more times than I can recall, and on several occasions I cried (but fortunately never in front of her). I only realized I wasn't her only victim months after the worst of it was over.<br /><br />Robin -- Me too! I feel especially let down by women who are hateful because I feel like we should stick together and support each other -- it's tough enough as it is. But women who treat men like gods and women like dirt make me sad -- like they hate being women so much they'll do anything to distance themselves from other females. When my husband changed the sheet on our daughter's futon or performed any other small chores, Sugiyama-san was all fawning praise and cooperation. Fortunately, after her we had nothing but good experiences with the other teachers, young and old. The first ones were a little suspicious of ME at first -- Sugiyama-san had obviously shared stories of my incompetent unworthiness -- but after a week or two, we were pals. The other teachers were a great bunch of women and deserve separate posts of their own.Mary Witzlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06458299046574564155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-63008135784826834342011-07-14T02:38:13.183+01:002011-07-14T02:38:13.183+01:00Oh how I hate men-o-centric bullying caregivers. ...Oh how I hate men-o-centric bullying caregivers. My first "nanny" was a Sugiyama-san, and I danced a jig when she left. I liked the innocent, enthusiastic young daycare girls. They were so much more fun to deal with.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12396540555696283171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-80655101386322340752011-07-11T01:56:48.270+01:002011-07-11T01:56:48.270+01:00I'm impressed you didn't bite her head off...I'm impressed you didn't bite her head off. That is some serious impulse control.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03828426520214270655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-60188892373891459032011-07-07T17:30:22.680+01:002011-07-07T17:30:22.680+01:00This reminds me of all of my mother's friends ...This reminds me of all of my mother's friends who used to refer to me as "little Bobby" because I was so small in stature. I was always encouraged to eat more. When visiting relatives, they would dish out the amount of food they determined I should consume and were always prodding me to finish my plate. The fact that these relatives were lousy cooks like my mom only made the ordeal worse.<br /><br />I'm 5'-6" and 155 lbs. This was determined by genetics and Pituitary Growth Hormone, NOT what I did or did not eat. Most guys my age have guts hanging over their bellies. Not me.Robert the Skeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10863488312604865183noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-41469441215545834932011-07-05T20:00:49.398+01:002011-07-05T20:00:49.398+01:00Anne -- They'll have a tough time finding such...Anne -- They'll have a tough time finding such a paragon, and even if they do, I suspect the fur will fly. Things are changing in Japan. It used to be that young men could pick and choose, but that is no longer the case.<br /><br />Charles -- It definitely wasn't what I wanted to hear after a long, hard day at work, contemplating an evening of domestic toil, not enough sleep, followed by another early work day. Sugiyama-san was a woman who promoted the interests of men over those of women.<br /><br />Dale -- That's how it typically works in Japan: women who are bullied by their mothers-in-law take it out on their sons' wives. I knew a woman who treated her daughter-in-law well after being hounded by her mother-in-law: she was determined not to follow the same pattern. I admired her no end!<br /><br />Karen -- It was really unfortunate that she was our daughter's first childcare worker; the ones she had after that were much better and had more modern outlooks. A few became our friends. Dealing with Sugiyama-san was so discouraging, but it was a great character-building experience.<br /><br />Anne -- That was a hard time for me. I'm not the sort of person who makes enemies easily, but Sugiyama-san really stretched my patience to the breaking point.<br /><br />Pat -- During that time, I did a lot of jaw-clenching and counting to ten. Once I went home and threw my keys across the room so hard I chipped the plaster. Ah, the memories.<br /><br />MG -- I used to lie awake, thinking of long, satisfying things I could say in Japanese which would take the wind out of her sails. I was usually too tired and stressed out to manage them, but thinking them up helped ease some of the irritation.<br /><br />Vijaya -- We sometimes talked about taking our daughter out of childcare, but we really needed it. My husband had an advantage (or perhaps a disadvantage): he couldn't understand what Sugiyama-san was saying. Later, when I got to know the other parents better, I learned that she irritated other people too. One father even threatened to punch her. But I would not have slapped her: she was bigger (and taller too).Mary Witzlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06458299046574564155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-53956559707930738052011-07-05T06:40:58.165+01:002011-07-05T06:40:58.165+01:00You're a better woman than me, Mary. I would&#...You're a better woman than me, Mary. I would've probably slapped her. I am so thankful for a good and kind husband. He'd never put up with her either.<br /><br />Japan, Italy, most of Europe, actually are already experiencing grave difficulties because of their low birth rate.Vijayahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07876606729146077830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-38576851640512853082011-07-04T16:06:28.029+01:002011-07-04T16:06:28.029+01:00How frustrating! I wouldn't have done as well ...How frustrating! I wouldn't have done as well in your shoes, Mary. Wonderful story.MG Higginshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03584010470283038023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-86388564327653834762011-07-04T12:42:04.886+01:002011-07-04T12:42:04.886+01:00I think I would have been tempted to do her it.
Is...I think I would have been tempted to do her it.<br />Is she a one off our does the new man not exist in Japan?Pathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01529798893653033970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-46623928874532394892011-07-03T19:43:16.889+01:002011-07-03T19:43:16.889+01:00What a fascinating character portrait! And I'm...What a fascinating character portrait! And I'm so glad I didn't have to put up with Sugiyama-san!Anne M Leonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04547591113801578453noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-2233539363740659022011-07-03T18:43:34.552+01:002011-07-03T18:43:34.552+01:00What a great story! I wonder if this woman's v...What a great story! I wonder if this woman's viewpoint about the roles of men and women was her own or reflected the general Japanese thinking.<br /><br />It would have driven me crazy to deal with that woman, especially because there was no way to make her see the light (as Westerners perceive it anyway.)<br /><br />Yes, I feel sorry for her daughters-in-law!Miss Footloose | Life in the Expat Lanehttp://www.lifeintheexpatlane.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-63573762631516121572011-07-03T15:51:58.254+01:002011-07-03T15:51:58.254+01:00That's how it works: you accept the right of t...That's how it works: you accept the right of the class above you to bully you, and it confers on you the right to bully the class below you. Ick. I'm more than happy to fold sheets and attend daycare open houses, to escape that world.<br /><br />wonderful post, as ever, Mary!Dalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14523194846272870013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-700365321768149492011-07-03T05:54:19.303+01:002011-07-03T05:54:19.303+01:00Whoa, Men need to relax. Not quite a modern view o...Whoa, Men need to relax. Not quite a modern view on the subject.Charles Gramlichhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02052592247572253641noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-52929178599608031862011-07-03T04:39:21.268+01:002011-07-03T04:39:21.268+01:00Given how she probably raised her sons, they'l...Given how she probably raised her sons, they'll go looking for someone who will treat the like they expect to be treated!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com