tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post4835661145659026577..comments2023-10-21T11:44:45.588+01:00Comments on ResidentAlien: Pairing Up In JapanMary Witzlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06458299046574564155noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-63984805795810340362008-07-28T14:25:00.000+01:002008-07-28T14:25:00.000+01:00They are. Pathetic plebians. :o>They are. Pathetic plebians. :o>marshymallowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06640254083946558428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-57959487346717908622008-07-27T21:57:00.000+01:002008-07-27T21:57:00.000+01:00Men whose wives don't mind their affairs are to b...Men whose wives don't mind their affairs are to be pitied: clearly, their wives don't care enough about them to feel jealous.<BR/><BR/>Good for your grandmother! I'm sure what she did set a good precedent in your family.Mary Witzlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06458299046574564155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-48804009348656155892008-07-26T23:23:00.000+01:002008-07-26T23:23:00.000+01:00Different countries have different customs which I...Different countries have different customs which I find fascinating. However, Mizutani-san's idea of allowing her husband extramarital affairs providing she didn't know about it or that her husband concealed it, is not that uncommon. I've heard of other wives making this statement, wondering how they could be indifferent about it.<BR/><BR/>As far as arranged marriages go, in 1905 my English grandmother was told explictly by her father that she was not allowed to marry for love. Her husband would be selected.<BR/><BR/>My grandmother's response was to go to the city, become a salesperson in a ladies clothing store, support herself for a year and marry the man she loved. All to her father's chagrin.Barbara Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00610140328527165017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-88901566623025397362008-07-24T23:37:00.000+01:002008-07-24T23:37:00.000+01:00Angela -- Ooh, there are going to be a lot of men ...Angela -- Ooh, there are going to be a lot of men suffering from the pox! But I can't help agreeing with you.<BR/><BR/>I loved Yagi-san's fire too. When she said what she said about Otani-san, it was like a breath of fresh air.<BR/><BR/>Tabitha -- Thank you again! I've just got a fresh rejection, so I need the extra coddling. No way I'm going to stop blogging now.<BR/><BR/>Christy -- On one hand, I hate the idea of a loveless marriage just for the sake of producing children. But you do have a point, and I have seen so many 'omiai' married couples who seem perfectly happy. I think you can grow to love someone too; I always remember that song from Fiddler on the Roof...<BR/><BR/>MM -- Thank GOD your parents are sensible and don't push you! Take your time! My mother's favorite saying was "Marry in haste and repent at leisure," and I really took it on board. <BR/><BR/>I'm as appalled at your dormmates' admissions as I am amazed at their honesty. I swear, the last thing I ever wanted to do while I was at university was get married. Are these the same people who had never heard of Kazuo Ishiguro?Mary Witzlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06458299046574564155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-86708622519469497072008-07-24T20:51:00.000+01:002008-07-24T20:51:00.000+01:00Fortunately, my parents have never pressured me to...Fortunately, my parents have never pressured me to get married, and have always supported me when i feel pressured by other people (my grandmothers, for instance - you should hear them on the subject of great-grandchildren). It really shocked me though, the first night i was in the dorms and we were exchanging majors - over half the girls said they were there for their MRS degree, and i know now that most of the students will feel a failure if they haven't married by the time they graduate. It's creepy.marshymallowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06640254083946558428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-15520808180378677162008-07-24T19:04:00.000+01:002008-07-24T19:04:00.000+01:00I sometimes think that an arranged marriage would ...I sometimes think that an arranged marriage would be, well not easier exactly but something. There's no expectation of happier ever after. I've seen so many marriages fail because Prince can't be Charming all the time and Cinderella's glass slippers hurt her feet.Christyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05225042488117913679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-90626047736938766902008-07-24T15:06:00.000+01:002008-07-24T15:06:00.000+01:00I'm glad you're cheered up! And I'm doubly glad y...I'm glad you're cheered up! And I'm doubly glad you've decided to keep blogging. And, *blushing*, thanks for the compliment. :)Tabithahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17420910182752981979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-43486411524928809712008-07-24T05:13:00.000+01:002008-07-24T05:13:00.000+01:00Again, a fabulous post and a well delivered slice ...Again, a fabulous post and a well delivered slice of culture. I'm saddened that women are still treated as second class citizens. I love the fire of Yagi-san; I hope she did find happiness, in the end. And a pox on all those cheating men. A POX!Angela Ackermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01808259088625142389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-46060247820219765892008-07-23T20:05:00.000+01:002008-07-23T20:05:00.000+01:00GB -- What you wrote is so true. Now that so many ...GB -- What you wrote is so true. Now that so many Japanese women can do things for themselves, they don't feel the same pressure to marry and produce children. I think this is great (though not necessarily for the Japanese population, which is declining). Fewer women end up in unhappy marriages, wondering what happened to their lives. <BR/><BR/>In the frontier days of the American west, I suspect there were many marriages of convenience. My mother used to tell us about women in her family who had ended up with louts because they dreaded being scorned as useless spinsters. Tragic.<BR/><BR/>Debra -- Parents cannot pick enticing mates, there is no doubt in my mind. They are thinking of financial stability, grandchildren and sensible mortgages, whereas the kids tend to be thinking with their hormones, and what a clash!<BR/><BR/>Thank you for the nice compliment!<BR/><BR/>Tabitha -- We have Indian friends in Japan who have expressed similar sentiments, and I always find their descriptions of life in India and Indian culture fascinating. I love the Indian commitment to families and am glad to know that people don't have to accept matches that don't appeal to them. <BR/><BR/>Thank you for your compliment; you really cheer me up -- and your blog always has such perceptive, interesting posts about writing that I am all the more flattered. <BR/><BR/>Kim -- I swear, I use this blog to repair my damaged ego. After flipping through the week's collection of rejections, I come here and feel like weeping to find such positive responses to my writing. I was going to quit when I got to 10,000 hits, but to heck with that. I'll soldier on a little longer.<BR/><BR/>Carole -- Me too! In fact, if Yagi-san had gone for him, I would have been too depressed to write about it. I heard from a mutual acquaintance that Otani-san had an omiai and married a woman who was ten years his senior. I hope she is preparing miso shiru just the way he likes it, the poor thing.Mary Witzlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06458299046574564155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-91410291382033548832008-07-23T19:35:00.000+01:002008-07-23T19:35:00.000+01:00I was so afraid it was going to end with Yagi-san ...I was so afraid it was going to end with Yagi-san marrying Otani-san. Thank goodness she didn't. Great comparisons.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03828426520214270655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-29450155434338276382008-07-23T18:56:00.000+01:002008-07-23T18:56:00.000+01:00"Be good, or don't get caught"What a shame to have..."Be good, or don't get caught"<BR/><BR/>What a shame to have to live with such a cynical outlook.<BR/><BR/>Wonderfully written, as always, MaryKim Ayreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-81911967411903727242008-07-23T15:01:00.000+01:002008-07-23T15:01:00.000+01:00Wow, I find the similiarities between Japanese and...Wow, I find the similiarities between Japanese and Indian culture very interesting. Unmarried Indian women approaching 30 are also considered 'damaged goods' because everyone's wondering why no one wanted her. Regardless of whether it was her choice. There's also a kind of match maker for marriages, exchange of pictures and such. But it's now acceptable to walk away if you're not interested, which is good.<BR/><BR/>Affairs, however, are not acceptable. Neither is anything less than total devotion to the family. Which is good, and has given me a very devoted husband. I wouldn't have married him otherwise. :)<BR/><BR/>I love your stories! I check your blog every morning, and when I see a new post, I get all excited. :)Tabithahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17420910182752981979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-15360274197463790112008-07-23T13:11:00.000+01:002008-07-23T13:11:00.000+01:00My mother once suggested I meet some guy whose mot...My mother once suggested I meet some guy whose mother was trying to find him a mate. The operative word is "once." Never again. I can't <BR/>remember if I ever did meet the guy (I can't imagine that I would have agreed)--if I did it certainly wasn't memorable. <BR/><BR/>I love your insights into Japanese culture and the way you tell the story. Thanks.debrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17676300309029588465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-61665032659583291132008-07-23T08:21:00.000+01:002008-07-23T08:21:00.000+01:00These type of marriages belong to an era when men ...These type of marriages belong to an era when men and women needed to pair off to survive. A man needed a wife for a, b & c; a woman needed a husband for x, y & z. It must have been like that in America in the frontier days. Love becomes necessary when people can live happily on their own, like Yagi-san.Gorilla Bananashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13044093013423635830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-54816463514698966412008-07-23T01:26:00.000+01:002008-07-23T01:26:00.000+01:00Laura -- Whenever either of my daughters is intere...Laura -- Whenever either of my daughters is interested in a boy I like the look of, I make sure not to get too enthusiastic. Nothing quells romantic interest faster than an eager mother; all the boys my mother thought were just great made me roll my eyes in horror. <BR/><BR/>And that ostrich thing doesn't work for me either!<BR/><BR/>Marcia -- Thank you for visiting and commenting! <BR/><BR/>Oddly enough, I like the omiai system -- as long as both parties can say NO. But my appreciation for America has grown for different reasons.<BR/><BR/>Charles -- Thank you for that compliment, but arguably, fantasy is an entirely different world, so you are already doing this. I don't know if I could conjure up a world that wasn't already there for me to observe, so my hat goes off to you.<BR/><BR/>Jacqui -- The term 'Christmas cake' was still used a lot in the seventies and eighties. It is used much less nowadays, I am happy to say; young Japanese women are much pickier about getting married than their mothers were. Before, many women felt strong pressure to marry before the age of 25, but the age of marriage has shot up to over 30 and now women are the ones who call the shots.<BR/><BR/>And oooh, if my mother had picked out men for me -- no, it is just too awful to contemplate...Mary Witzlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06458299046574564155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-90996362552949633692008-07-23T00:56:00.000+01:002008-07-23T00:56:00.000+01:00When I studied Japanese, we learned the term "Chri...When I studied Japanese, we learned the term "Christmas cake" once referred to unmarried women over the age of 25 (as in they're stale and nobody wants them)...<BR/><BR/>In other news, my mother tried to set me up multiple times when I was single. Her number one requirement seemed to be that the men were tall (I am almost 6 feet). Oh, and that they were total losers.Jacquihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08277260387578439327noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-62789249200631135002008-07-22T23:25:00.000+01:002008-07-22T23:25:00.000+01:00How completely odd to our way of thinking. The mi...How completely odd to our way of thinking. The miso suri story is just wild, but I could see every expression on her face. You described it beautifully. I need to try and work material like this into my fantasie stories to give a real feel for a different culture.Charles Gramlichhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02052592247572253641noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-73454865799736438292008-07-22T20:06:00.000+01:002008-07-22T20:06:00.000+01:00This is a fascinating story. Once again, I'm glad ...This is a fascinating story. Once again, I'm glad I live in America. It ain't perfect, but my appreciation for it grows.Marciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10006966091789130047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-965824120120454342.post-28765176630074821492008-07-22T19:00:00.000+01:002008-07-22T19:00:00.000+01:00I know for a fact that anyone my mother may have t...I know for a fact that anyone my mother may have tried to fix me up with would have fallen flat. NO WAY!!! And seeing a picture of someone would never work for me either. I think the ostrich with it's head in the sand sums up a lot of marriages regardless of country or culture: 'If I don't see it or hear about it, it doesn't exist.' I would have a hard time with that.laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17174697892947430149noreply@blogger.com